kenyadiggit

"The Best Picture Misses the Big Picture"

2006-03-09T15:57:33Z

Steve Lopez:
"The Best Picture Misses the Big Picture"
Points West

March 8, 2006

Standing cautiously but bravely at the intersection of Beverly and Normandie, I could feel the racial tension in the air.

The place was about to blow.
A white woman walked into Video Hot, which is run by Koreans, and an Asian man bought flowers from a Guatemalan woman. Given the boiling hatred that pumps through L.A.'s veins, as depicted in the Oscar-winning movie "Crash," could ethnic violence be far behind?

I used to think we could all get along, more or less. I believed that despite its many flaws and obvious divisions by race and class, Los Angeles was one of the more successfully integrated cities in the world. And so to me, "Crash" felt like an artless, dated and manipulative morality tale on the evils of the sprawling metropolis, shot with a long lens from behind the bars of a gated seaside community.

But that was before the all-knowing wizards of the academy set me straight, choosing "Crash" as the best picture of the year. Could so many kabbala and Bikram yoga practitioners have been wrong, even if it's been years since any of them ventured east of Robertson except to hand out Oscars or cruise for hookers?

I think not. All I can figure is that in my own travels across the city, I must have sped past one powder keg after another without seeing the fuses. And so I ventured back out there to see what I could see.

Beverly and Normandie. Can you get any more L.A. than that?

The corner businesses tell the story: Subway, Chinatown Express, Tokyo Sushi Academy, Pizza Hut, Chicken Wok, El Chipilin Salvadoran and Honduran restaurant, Green Village Acupuncture & Herbs Clinic, La Nueva Flor Blanca Salvadoran and Guatemalan restaurant, Yoshinoya, Dr. Julio Guzman Medical Group and Pacific Market, owned by a brother and sister from India.

As I pulled into the parking lot, Latino, Asian, white and black patrons were coming and going without apparent incident, but it was early.

I got out of my car, looked both ways, and dived for cover when I saw an Asian driver enter the parking lot.

Whewwww!

Still in one piece, I spied a suspicious black man standing in the parking lot next to a car.

Burglar?

Or was it worse? Was he reaching into the glove box for a pistol, planning to knock off Yoshinoya and pistol-whip customers for their teriyaki chicken bowls?

You know it's hard out there for a pimp.

I walked into Hermano's Flowers, where Ana Ramirez claimed she has gotten along with her neighbors for 10 years, no problems. A man walked in to say hello. They chatted amiably. He walked away.

"Who was that?" I asked.

"A friend of mine."

"He wasn't Latino," I said.

"No. He's Japanese."

"And you get along?"

Two Latinos walked in after that. Gangbangers? I left the store for my own safety.

Kyung Suh, 34, was getting into his car when I asked where he lived.

Koreatown, he said. He moved there from Korea 10 years ago.

And where does he work?

South-Central L.A., he said. He's got a cellphone shop, and his customers are black and Latino, and against all odds, none of them have attacked each other or beaten him over the head. If you can believe him.

At Pacific Market, Micky, who grew up in India, sells her customers phone cards so they can call home to Guatemala, El Salvador, Mexico, Africa and the Philippines.

"Crash?" she asked. Never heard of it.

I saw a white woman walk into Subway and followed her inside to make sure she wasn't mugged. She got a sandwich and made it out OK. I got a soda, and when the Latino clerk took my money, he said, "Thank you, señor."

Kyle Anderson, a black pharmaceutical rep, was visiting the office of Dr. Guzman just upstairs from Subway. Anderson lives in Mid-City, where his nearest neighbors are black, white and Persian. He's traveled far and wide in the United States and feels more comfortable in Los Angeles than anywhere else.

"You can go where you want," he said. "It's a multicultural environment. In the city of Los Angeles, you can visit a different country every day."

Sure, if you enjoy being carjacked.

Nick Shipp, a chef, walked into Dr. Guzman's office for a checkup. "I Love Lucy" was on TV, and most of the clients were Latino.

I pointed out to Shipp that he happens to be white.

He shrugged.

I mentioned the movie "Crash."

"My experience in L.A.," he said, "is the complete opposite."

Maybe so, but Lucy and Ricky looked like they were about to have a fight on TV. Those interracial marriages are doomed from the moment they cut the cake.

In the parking lot, I worked up the nerve to approach the black man standing near the BMW, which he couldn't possibly own. He claimed he was sealing holes in the cloth roof with a silicone gel.

What did he take me for, a nitwit?

"Where you from?" I asked the stranger.

Cameroon, George Louis said, calling himself an accountant and resident of Hollywood. Yes, he said, he did see "Crash."

"You do have problems in Los Angeles, but not as big as that," he said. "People aren't looking for trouble. They're too busy working and trying to make it."

Negative media influences are a dark force and a distraction, Louis said. He frees himself from those influences by focusing on positive energy and trying to live a spiritual life.

He shook my hand firmly and gave me a warm gaze, and I felt like Sandra Bullock in "Crash." I didn't buy her sudden transformation when she embraced the Latina maid she had repeatedly insulted, but now I could see the truth in it.

I realized the black man is not my enemy, but my friend.

Thank you, "Crash."

Thank you, Academy.

...and Burn

2006-03-06T05:17:47Z

Best Picture is a very fitting term. It isn't called the "Good" Picture or the "Great" Picture. It's the "Best" Picture. Meaning it's the best of the choices given, but there are certainly no implications that it's worth a shit otherwise.

I should be thrilled right? Brokeback didn't win. Well...let me just say this:

"I’m sure the filmmakers want it to start a dialogue about race, but this film has about as much racially unifying power as Rodney King."
-- Kevin Carr, 7M PICTURES

"CRASH is about the racism we all carry within us, a fact of which Haggis feels he must remind us in almost every scene, lest we forget without his wise counsel. "
-- Jill Cozzi, MIXED REVIEWS

"Obnoxious, hollow, and not at all as smart or important as it thinks it is."
-- David Cornelius, EFILMCRITIC.COM

"I left the theater feeling like the victim of a hit-and-run civics lesson."
-- Thomas Delapa, BOULDER WEEKLY

"The L.A. of Crash is a distorted scale model of the city that [writer-director Paul] Haggis treats as if it were the city itself."
-- Alan Dale, BLOGCRITICS.ORG

"Contrived, obvious and overstated, Crash is basically just one white man's righteous attempt to make other white people feel as if they've confronted the problem of racism head-on."
-- Peter Debruge, MIAMI HERALD

"The theme is racism. Let me say that again: The theme is racism. I could say it 500 more times because that's how many times the movie says it, in every single scene."
-- David Edelstein, SLATE

"It's a skillful piece of filmmaking and an impressive debut, though it's so relentlessly bleak and downbeat for most of its running time that it can't recover when it tries to go soft in its third act."
-- William Arnold, SEATTLE POST-INTELLIGENCER

"By attempting to say everything about race, Haggis ultimately says nothing."
-- Josh Bell, LAS VEGAS WEEKLY

"Full of well-observed supporting riffs, Crash might've accumulated more frisson had it cast a clearer eye on how social tension actually plays."
-- Michael Atkinson, VILLAGE VOICE

Crash wants to be taken seriously as a meditation on our anxiety-plagued times, but the coincidences are too pat, the tugs on the heartstrings too insistent."
-- Jami Bernard, NEW YORK DAILY NEWS

"Characters come straight from the assembly line of screenwriting archetypes, and too often they act in ways that archetypes, rather than human beings, do."
-- Ty Burr, BOSTON GLOBE

"Haggis' pedantic tone and obvious characterizations make it seem like he's better off adapting other people's work than creating his own."
-- Marc Mohan, OREGONIAN

"Manipulative and self-defeating, Crash resembles race-baiting PT Anderson fare or if Altman got stuck in the mid-80's."
-- Jimmy O, FILM SNOBS

"What happens between the film's opening and closing car accidents more closely resembles a train wreck."
-- Sean O'Connell, FLIPSIDE MOVIE EMPORIUM

"And so Crash raises the question: If racism is so pervasive in our society, why do we need such an elaborately contrived plot to drive home the message? In other words: How many racists does it take to screw in the point?"
-- Stephanie Zacharek, SALON.COM

"Controversy isn't nearly as intriguing when it is created merely for controversy's sake."
-- Jeff Otto, IGN FILMFORCE

"Almost the entire movie consists of actors screaming at each other in Oscar-bait annoyance."
-- Mark Palermo, COAST (HALIFAX, NOVA SCOTIA)

"The film's real message isn't anti-racism but pro-screenwriter. 'Look how many coincidences we can pile up!' it seems to say. 'Look at how these stories all interlock!'"
-- Eric D. Snider, ERICDSNIDER.COM

"It's the sort of movie that makes people feel like they've heard an important statement without actually having said anything much."
-- Luke Y. Thompson, LYTRULES.COM

"White guilt run amok."
-- Christopher Smith, BANGOR DAILY NEWS (MAINE)

Agreed.

One of the best things I've ever seen.

2006-03-03T17:33:10Z

is there really a surprise here?

2006-03-03T17:01:25Z

You scored as Skeletorism. You are... a loyal yet diabolical servant of Eternia's most hated and feared citizen, and ruler of Snake Mountain, Skeletor. Though you have your morals and beliefs, you ultimately overlook them all in favor of Skeletor's plan to reopen the rift between his world, Infinita, and Eternia by unlocking the secret powers of Castle Grayskull. This would allow Skeletor's race to invade and conquer Eternia. Deep down, as a Skeletorian, all you really want is to be loved.

</td>

Skeletorism

75%

Satanism

71%

Paganism

50%

agnosticism

42%

Buddhism

29%

Christianity

21%

Judaism

17%

Islam

Hinduism

Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com

The Canvas

2006-03-03T03:49:18Z

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NeRyFXMs930

kenyadiggit @ 2006-02-27T02:48:00

2006-02-27T08:56:35Z

Sail away where no ball and chain
Can keep us from the roarin' waves
Together undivided but forever we'll be free
So sail away aboard our rig
The moon is full and so are we
We're seven drunken pirates
We're the seven deadly sins!

So the years rolled by and several died
And left us somewhat reelin'
Johnny strummed his Tommy gun
Left blastin' through the ceiling
So what became of rebels
Who sang for you and me?
Grapplin' with their demons
In the seach for liberty!

Suffers who suffer all
Can swim upon the desert
Where avarice have ravaged all
In spite of good intentions
Don't fill your mouth with gluttony
For pride will surely swell
But nothing's unforgiven in the four corners of hell!

Sail away where no ball and chain
Can keep us from the roarin' waves
Together undivided but forever we'll be free
So sail away aboard our rig
The moon is full and so are we
We're seven drunken pirates
We're the seven deadly sins
We're seven drunken pirates
We're the seven deadly sins!

Envy and its evill twin
It crepy in bed with slander
Idiots they gave advice
But sloth it gave no answer
Anger kills the human soul
With butter tales of lust
While pavlov's Dogs keep chewin'
On the legs they never trust!

Sail away where no ball and chain
Can keep us from the roarin' waves
Together undivided but forever we'll be free
So sail away aboard our rig
The moon is full and so are we
We're seven drunken pirates
We're the seven deadly sins
We're seven drunken pirates
We're the seven deadly sins!

But It's the only life we'll know
Blagards to the bone
So don't wreck yourself
Take an honest grip
For there's more tales beyond the shore

Ah the years rolled by and several died
And left us somewhat reelin'
In and out came crawlin' out
And spewed upon the ceiling
So what became of rebels"
That sang for you and me
Grapplin; with their demons
In the seach for liberty!

Sail away where no ball and chain
Can keep us from the roarin' waves
Together undivided but forever we'll be free
So sail away aboard our rig
The moon is full and so are we
We're seven drunken pirates
We're the seven deadly sins!

Sail away where no ball and chain
Can keep us from the roarin' waves
Together undivided but forever we'll be free
So sail away aboard our rig
The moon is full and so are we
We're seven drunken pirates
We're the seven deadly sins!
We're seven drunken pirates
We're the seven deadly sins!
We're seven drunken pirates
We're the seven deadly sins!

I saw Micheal Keaton take his shirt off and swing it over his head.

I'm serious.

kenyadiggit @ 2006-02-15T11:14:00

2006-02-15T17:23:36Z

Copy. Copy. Where's your - What's your - Why the copy?!?

2006-02-06T22:53:08Z

That's what I endured for the past three hours from my stupid graphic design teacher. Every 10 damn seconds she would ask someone about their copy. And every 10 damn seconds, someone would look around the room in confusion. Because WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL COPY IS SUPPOSED TO MEAN! You've been here for 12 years. We allll know that in that time you have spoken to at least one of us. And we know that you are not stupid, and that you see that we call a "lift" an "elevator" and a "torch" a "flashlight" and "chips" are "fries". If I was visiting your boring uptight little country, I would have the sense to at least attempt to use the common terms. Even IF I decided it would be cute to ask where the restroom was before catching myself, snickering, and correcting with "I mean 'the lou'", it would get old after TWELVE YEARS. I know, goddammit, I KNOW you know that we have no idea what copy means when you say it. I KNOW that you say it a ridiculous amount of times for that very reason. And I KNOW you can't POSSIBLY thing it's cute to shoot us that bewildering look and ask us what we mean when we say phrases like "the cat's out of the bag". You're British. Good. It's cute. Congratulations. ::applause:: You live here. We're not British. Get over it.

Piercing Decision

2006-02-01T18:24:42Z

Forget the last entry. I don't even know why I tried. Pretending I give a shit about the Oscars this year. I fell asleep two or three times while I wrote that. Sonofabitch, this has to be the worst Academy Awards show in my lifetime. Of the 5 Best Picture nominees, I'm not sure I could actually sit through even an hour of any of them. Capote, yeah, good for Philip Seymour Hoffman. Looks like a boring piece of crap other than that. Munich. Yeah who was in that? LONG and boring piece of crap. Shit, I been sitting here for the past 30 seconds staring blankly and trying to remember the other three nominees, aside from the golden reel I'm obviously saving for last. Oh yeah, Good Luck, and Good Night. This one actually looks like it could be an interesting film. Not entertaining. At all. AT ALL. But maybe interesting. Boring. Long. And interesting. In a History Channel sort of way. Ah yes, Crash. I had to look it up to remember since it's an unmemorable piece of shit. Two hours of afterschool special bullshit. Oh, that's right! In my last post I said I hadn't seen any of the Best Picture nominees. I take that back, I saw Crash. I guess it slipped my mind since i litterally cut out the part of my brain with that memory. It's meant to be a lesson...or something, I dunno. Ok. It's about racism. I'm not sure...exactly what it's intentions are, but it's definitely about racism. It's like a Saved By The Bell episode. All the crap pointed dialogue trying to prove a point, only...without the point. It's two ours of people being completely unrealistically racist towards each other...and then it ends. Oh God, dear God in heaven, the dialogue is so bad. With such aweful crap lines as "I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something..." and "You think you know who you are...you have no idea..."

And one of my personal favorite exchanges:

Graham: Mom, I can't talk to you right now, OK? I'm having sex with a white woman.
[hangs up, and Ria gets out of bed]
Graham: OK, where were we?
Ria: I was white, and you were about to jerk off in the shower.
Graham: Oh, shit. Come on. I would have said you were Mexican, but I don't think it would have pissed her off as much.
Ria: Why do you keep everybody a certain distance, huh? What, you start to feel something and panic?
Graham: Come on, Maria. You're just pissed 'cause I answered the phone.
Ria: That's just where I begin to get pissed. I mean, really, what kind of man speaks to his mother that way?
Graham: Oh, this is about my mother. What do you know about my mother?
Ria: If I was your father, I'd kick your fucking ass.
Graham: OK, I was raised badly. Why don't you take your clothes off, get back into bed, and teach me a lesson?
Ria: You want a lesson? I'll give you a lesson. How 'bout a geography lesson? My father's from Puerto Rico. My mother's from El Salvador. Neither one of those is Mexico.
Graham: Ah. Well then I guess the big mystery is, who gathered all those remarkably different cultures together and taught them all how to park their cars on their lawns?

Oh, ho ho ho...brilliance on celluloid. Halfway through that exchange I got a little nautious and felt myself dozing off. The fact that this amateur crap, in both the filmmaking and the acting, has gotten so much praise and has recieved so many awards proves one thing. We are surrounded by idiots. Gullible idiots that will jump onto the badwagon just because it seems like a "controversial" film. Nevermind the horrible acting, the crap dialogue, and that fact that IT HAS NO POINT!

Broke...back...Mountain. Jesus. Christ. I believe I've ranted plenty more than enough on this film. Looks like no blockparty. Which brings me to the point of this whole rant. The Oscars are on March 5th. Hosted by the wonderfully insightful and ever so funny Jon Stewart (gag). A man who takes himself WAY too seriously thanks to a large group of morons who worship him as a god. Anyway, since I won't be watching the Oscars this year, I thought I might go do something more fun instead. Like getting a piercing. Which brings me to my question. What should I get pierced? I was thinking either my eyelid or my *******.

Have Movies Really Gotten This Boring?

2006-02-01T03:21:25Z

Well fuck me.*

Guess who topped the nominations. Didn't see that coming.

Best Motion Picture of the Year
Nominees:

Brokeback Mountain -
Well, shit. As if there was any other way. They may have well singled this out as the only nomination. Or just nominated this 5 times because it's SO GODDAMN GOOD, ya know.

Capote -
Personally, this or Munich would be my choice. I would vote Capote simply because it's the only nominated film that didn't have a blatant political agenda. That and it honestly seems like the only interesting film.

Crash -
Christ almighty. They may as well have nominated an episode of Saved By The Bell. A bad one. One of those beach episodes. Or the one with Jessie's brother. Hate that guy.

Good Night, and Good Luck. -
Seems like it could be a decent film. Considering I haven't heard squat about it, it can't be as politically driven as I'd have expected.

Munich -
Another one that seems like it could be decent. Long, but decent. Can only be better than The Terminal.

(Please note I haven't seen any of the above films. And probably won't.)

Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role
Nominees:

Philip Seymour Hoffman for Capote - Long overdue. Hell, I even liked him in Twister.

Terrence Howard for Hustle & Flow -Who?

Heath Ledger for Brokeback Mountain - Didn't see that coming.

Joaquin Phoenix for Walk the Line - Should win, though we all know he won't.

David Strathairn for Good Night, and Good Luck. - I like this guy. May be a surprise win.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role
Nominees:

Judi Dench for Mrs. Henderson Presents - Gotta love M.

Felicity Huffman for Transamerica - Best...actor?

Keira Knightley for Pride & Prejudice - Surprising, but welcome.

Charlize Theron for North Country - Go figure. Hilary Swank II.

Reese Witherspoon for Walk the Line - Girl from Baton Rouge. Good enough for my vote.

(QUICKLY NOW...)

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role
Nominees:
George Clooney for Syriana - Give him director...but not this please.
Matt Dillon for Crash - Aweful performance.
Paul Giamatti for Cinderella Man - About damn time.
Jake Gyllenhaal for Brokeback Mountain - Shoulda got it for Jarhead.
William Hurt for A History of Violence - YES. YES. HANDS DOWN.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role
Nominees:
Amy Adams for Junebug - Who?
Catherine Keener for Capote - Easy win.
Frances McDormand for North Country - My personal favorite.
Rachel Weisz for The Constant Gardener - Wasn't she in this for like 2 minutes?
Michelle Williams for Brokeback Mountain - Gag.

Best Achievement in Directing
Nominees:
George Clooney for Good Night, and Good Luck. - Perhaps.
Paul Haggis for Crash - Good God no. Nausiating.
Ang Lee for Brokeback Mountain - Or THE HULK.
Bennett Miller for Capote - Perhaps.
Steven Spielberg for Munich Perhaps.

I don't really give a crap about the rest of these. March of the Penguins for best documentary. Maybe...Woody Allen for best screenplay. I dunno. I don't really give a shit this year. Christ.

*Offer not valid for cowboys, cowpokes, farmhands, and ranchers.

I think we miss that touch so much that we crash into each other just so blah blah blah

2006-01-29T09:25:47Z

And on a further note, I'm going to eat forks if Crash wins anything.

Anything.

A Moment Down at the Brokeback Rant

2006-01-27T20:06:52Z

On the last day of January, the oscar nominations will be announced. If by some strange act of god, brokeback mountain does not get nominated, i'm throwing a party. I know, I know, not only will it be nominated, but it will definitely win best picture. Yes, I know. I've heard. From everywhere. It's a groundbreaking film. It is. It's the first film on record to ever win best picture before the nominations were even announced. Incredible. It's like that part in spaceballs where they watch the video of the film they're in the process of making. Even titanic and return of the king were not definite wins. It's happened before. Racking up right until the end and then, nope, sorry, the oscar goes to the english patient. But this year is different. This year is a give halle berry the oscar for crap performance in a film that got absolutely no other nominations so the black actress community will get off the academy's back year. Don't read me wrong. It's not a racist comment. It's commentary. Totally observational. Like black history month. It's horribly offensive. White history month? Do I want one? No. That's not why it's offensive. It's offensive that we would dare say a group has "1 month" for their history. And the shortest month of the year, no doubt. Single it out. Put it in a spotlight and build a fence around it. That'll help mesh cultures. Definitely not a condescending "what'll shut them up" move, no. I got an idea. Black, white, or other, if you're american, you can join in. Twelve months out of the year we'll have "american history months". And we can all celebrate. Fun, fun, fun. What confuses me oh so much is that the black community jumped on this bandwagon. Saw it as an honor. "We get our own month!" Rather than an offense. "We don't want our own month. We just want to be treated like everyone else." But no. Spending a month each year to remind all white and black americans alike that years and years ago our white ancestors did awful things to our black ancestors is the way to stop racism. Good plan. Perfect way to clean the slate and let us all work together. The academy (yes, back to the original point) is notorious for pulling the "lets shut this group up by giving them an oscar" card. And if they don't? Oppression. Oh, the oppression! You commie bastards! You didn't give it the award because you hate gay people! It's an agenda film. And those are scary. Because you can't fight them. They rolled a 20 on their impervious roll. Regardless of the defense, if-you-do-not-give-this-film-best-picture-you-are-a-bigot. It's not fair. It's like Pollock busting up into a middle school art show and sweepin the ribbons. How do you compete with that? Everyone has already decided that Brokeback Mountain will win best picture. The headlines are not just "brokeback sure bet for oscar nod". Instead they practically read "brokeback to win best picture!" It's gotten to be a joke. So again, I will say, it's definitely not going too far to say it deserves a nomination, if the academy has the balls to not nominate this film come January 31st, I will rent out the catfish town atrium and throw the biggest party baton rouge has ever seen. If it receives a nomination but just fails to win best picture, hell, i'll still at least have a pizza party at chuckee cheese.